Last week we talked about surrounding ourselves with the right people as a strategy for staying positive under pressure. This week we are going to talk about the opposite, separating ourselves from the wrong people.
Who are the wrong people? Well, before we answer that question, let’s clarify. It’s not so much about making people right or wrong. It’s more about discerning if a person is right or wrong for us.
A right person for us brings out our best and helps us grown. A wrong person for us brings out our worst and stops our growth. It’s not that the person is right or wrong; it’s that the person is either right or wrong for us, right now. This does not always have to be a permanent distinction. Things change. People change, and during these times of pressure, we need to be mindful and selective of who we surround ourselves, selecting those who will help us rise above our pressure, not crush beneath it.
When applying this strategy for staying positive under pressure, be sure that you are not making others right or wrong, which is a critical approach and actually quite destructive. Instead, identify if the person is right or wrong for you, and embrace this much more productive approach.
So, who are the “wrong for me” people? How do I recognize them?
As I mentioned earlier, people who are wrong for us bring out our worst. Below are some examples of the things that may be brought out of us:
- Decrease in confidence
- Decrease in self worth
- Decrease in sense of value
- Decrease in motivation
- Increase in self doubt
- Increase in fear
- Increase in worry
- Increase in discouragement
The wrong people for us cause us to shrink back from our capabilities.
Here are some of the ways that the “wrong people” bring out our worse:
- They ask disempowering questions, “Shouldn’t you have known better?”
- They remind you of past mistakes and leave it at that. “This is the fifth time you have failed.”
- They point out your flaws or weaknesses
- They withhold appreciation and/or gratitude
- They withhold compliments
- They criticize you and others
- They complain about you and others
You might be reading this and recalling certain conversations with some of the people you work with or even live with. You may even be reading this and thinking, “Oh, no, I am the ‘wrong’ person.”
Either way; It’s okay! Awareness is the start. That’s what this message is all about. Simply being aware of what is needed to stay positive under pressure, so that you can take that awareness, open up choices, and then take new action.
Sometimes it’s simply, a temporary separation, say just for an evening; sometimes it is to simply a pause from the pressure of a conversation, and there are those times when we must embrace, there is more of a long-term separation needed, such as putting in a resignation and moving on.
Regardless of how short or long the separation is needed, we must be aware of our needs under pressure and be willing to create the boundaries needed. Short term or long term, when we are under pressure, we must do all we can to stay positive under that pressure. That includes being mindful of who is influencing and affecting us. We must be willing to bite the bullet and do what is necessary to stay positive. A short term sacrifice will create long term rewards!
Remember when you are under pressure, who you surround yourself with is key. It’s not only about connecting with the right people, who encourage you, challenge you and build you up, but it’s also about being diligent to separate yourself from the wrong people those who, create doubt, discouragement, or enablement, keeping you stuck in the pain of the pressure.
Nobody succeeds alone. We need the right people in our lives. And when we remove ourselves from the wrong people, let’s not make them wrong, but accept reality that they simply are wrong for us, at this moment. That will keep us freed up from criticism and judgment against others, and planted in self awareness and self dignity. In self awareness and self respect, we can run our race equipped to overcome our pressures. That is how we grow!
Make it a great week!
With Love and Volition,