Blog

When do you ask for help?

Have you ever hit rock bottom? You know you’ve hit rock bottom when you feel completely helpless, hopeless, and giving up is no longer an option, but rather the state you have found yourself in, almost involuntarily. As odd as it may sound, I have come to love when this happens in my life, when my involuntary muscle of surrender takes over and I have no other choice, but to ask for help.

I recently experienced this as a domino effect, provoked by my amazing daughter when she expressed in tears, “Mom, I can’t do this anymore.” She spoke her truth as a confession, a plea for help, not a failure. It was the necessary truth that I needed to hear, sending me on my knees and in my state of rock bottom. It was the best thing that could have happened because it lead to the empowered action of seeking help.

Any challenge we face has been faced and conquered by someone before us. When we are in the midst of our challenge, it can seem like we are alone and there are no answers. That is such a lie. That lie is part of what keeps us from seeking guidance and keeps us going in circles, exhausting our resources, like a fly at a window, beating its head up against the window payne until it’s short, little lifespan is gone.

There’s no need for us to exhaust all of our emotional capital, mental capacity, spiritual ability and physical strength when there are experts we can reach out to. The thing is, we have to get to a place where we admit what my brave daughter did, “I can’t.”

Now, I don’t even like typing the word can’t. I have had too many years of success and sales training telling me to eliminate that word from my vocabulary. There is great truth to all of that. There is also great need for us to get real and get honest with where we are. Embracing our limits can be extremely liberating and empowering.

Please hear me. I am not suggesting that we live in an “I can’t” outlook. I am saying, that we call it like it is, so that we can then do something about it. Denial does us no good.

Within a few hours of the “I can’t” aha’s, I had a plan. I had some professional leads to pursue. Within a few days we were on path and at the start of our journey for positive change. Success was our destination. Within a few weeks, I have gained so much knowledge, discovered how many experts are out there, and have leaned into the comfort and confidence a team of experts can provide. With each progressive step of the journey, I hear the question pop up in my mind, “Why didn’t I do this sooner?”

Well there is one main reason most of us do not ask for help- FEAR

  • Fear of the unknown
  • Fear of losing control
  • Fear of being wrong
  • Fear of looking bad
  • Fear of losing connection
  • Fear of losing safety or security

Fear, pride and shame limit us from greatness. They hold us back from desired change. Fear, pride and shame try to seduce us all, but when the pain of our situation gets strong enough and loud enough and it outweighs the power of our fear, we take a risk and ask for help. We expose our situation. This is precisely why I have grown to love when I hit rock bottom in any situation. I know, I no longer have to do it alone. I know I am going to grow and I know I am going to change.

I do not need other people or my circumstances to change. When I change, everything else tends to fall into place.

So, where in your life are you approaching rock bottom? Does it have to get so low and so bad to get your attention or can you raise the level of your rock bottom and reach out for help now?

That is the big learning for me. My depth of rock bottom isn’t as low as it was in my teens or in my twenties. Each new rock bottom level comes up a little higher and I become more proactive, more attune to the signs of my rock bottom, so that I can seek out help prior to something breaking beyond repair.

There’s a Proverb that I love and it seems appropriate to today’s topic: “Without counsel plans fail, but with many advisers they succeed.” Proverbs 15:22

Don’t wait to hit rock bottom. Reach out and ask for help from experts in whatever area you want to improve!

With Love and Volition,

Corry Ann March