This past March I made myself a goal to give up complaining. Giving up complaining seemed like a pretty black and white goal, no complications, no confusion. It was specific- Stop complaining.

I approached this goal with practicality and realized I would need the support of accountability, so I asked the people I speak with the most to call me out if I started to complain. I even considered carrying a role of duct tape with me, for those conversations where I knew I would need strong reinforcement to watch my mouth.

I did pretty well, reducing my complaining significantly. I would often catch myself, mid-sentence, admitting the complaint and then redirect myself to a more positive and productive topic. Those moments of awareness felt empowering and worked towards success, but I began to realize the complaining was just a symptom of a different behavior I needed to change.

I needed to change what I was thinking about. What we think about, we talk about.

This became apparent to me with the prompting of a question, “So, what’s new?” I’d start off by answering with some generic response, “Not much,” and go on by attempting to say something positive, but as I continued to talk, out the complaining would spill. I’d end up talking about my problems.

In my attempt to stop complaining, I resolved to not talk at all. If I didn’t have anything nice to say, I wouldn’t say anything at all, but that didn’t seem to help, nor address the real issue. The real issue had to do with what I was thinking about. If I was going to end the complaining, I was going to need to improve my thoughts.

I was thinking about problems and therefore, with just about any question, I would end up talking about or complaining about problems. The words we speak reveal what is on our mind.

Now, I hope you cannot relate, but chances are you can, so keep reading. I’ll share how I overcame and am continuing to address this challenge.

My dad has this great saying, “There are no problems, only solutions.”

I started pondering his saying and put it into action by directing my thoughts towards solutions, rather than fixating on the problem. Considering solutions takes energy, so I had to add thoughts of gratitude to my thought-life, as well, to build up my energy and my mood. The combination of focusing on solutions and gratitudes worked for me and I believe it may work for you too!

Try it this week. Pay attention to what you are talking about. Especially listen up on how you respond to the daily formality questions, such as “How have you been?” and “What’s new?” Improve the quality of your words with the quality of your thoughts. Think on things you are grateful for and direct your mind to consider solutions, rather than fixating on the problems.

There will always be problems and challenges, but solutions won’t be thought of on accident. We must decide and focus on creating solutions and use gratitudes to give us the energy to think of solutions. Let me know how this works out for you and if you find any additional ways of improving the words that you speak!

With Love and Volition,

Corry