Some people are blessings & some people are lessons

Have you ever had to deal with a difficult person? I am pretty sure we all have. At one time or another we get stuck having to deal with someone who just seems to make things a struggle. Some difficult people come into our lives on a short-term basis, maybe as short as a conversation at the bank, maybe a one-day volunteer event, or maybe even a week-long camping trip. Those encounters with difficult people are tough to get through, but they are not nearly as tough to get through as the ones who just won’t go away.



Hopefully, you have no idea what I am talking about. Unfortunately, you probably do. I am talking about that critical person at work who you have been dealing with for seven, eight or nine years. I am talking about that frustrating family member who you have known since birth. You get my point and I imagine you have a face or two popping up in your head as you read this.

I recently heard a speaker say, “Some people are blessins and some people are lessons.” I knew exactly what that speaker was talking about. He was addressing the fact that some people are going to come into our lives and cause us grief, but that doesn’t have to be a negative thing. It can be a positive thing. That was the reframe he offered, in referring to them as lessons. We must reframe the way we look at our difficult people. They do not have to be the thorn in our side, they can actually be a gift. They can be our “sandpaper.” They can be the very thing that polishes up our character and makes us shine.

I have learned a lot about dealing with difficult people. As I wrote this message, I glanced up at my bookshelf and counted over twenty books I have read on how to deal with difficult people, and I got a good little chuckle out of it because I realized, it is because of, not in spite of, the difficult person I have had to deal with, that I have acquired so much knowledge, experience, and growth. That knowledge, experience and growth has opened up doors for me and my business, that I would never have pursued otherwise.

As I continued to reflect on this and also on the many titles of the books I have read on this topic, I realized that there has been one common solution, woven throughout each and every one of those books, and that solution is understanding.



The best answer to dealing with a difficult person is to seek to understand that person, not to judge or make that person wrong. This was even the message in a book I read called “The Gift of Fear” where the author used his ability to understand serial criminals as a way to crack “uncrackable” cases. Bill Eddy, one of my new favorite authors of topics concerning dealing with high conflict individuals, wrote an inscription to his mother in his book, “It’s All Your Fault” that said, “To my mother, who taught me since the age of five that we don’t judge people. We try to understand them.”

And that is my encouragement and message for you this week. Don’t let that difficult person get the best of you. Don’t get bitter, get better by seeking to understand that person. Your difficult person is not going away and even if he/she did, a new one would show up. Our best way to grow better and not bitter from the difficult people in our lives is to seek to understand them, rather than to judge them or make them wrong. This is a very hard thing to do. “Hard thing to do” is a gross understatement with some of the most difficult people. It can feel impossible. It takes a great deal of effort to try and put yourself in the other person’s shoes to try and understand them, but your effort will be well worth it. Don’t do it for the other person, do it for you, no matter how hard it is. If I can do it, you can too.

It really starts with a decision, a decision that you are not going to let that person get the best of you. There’s a scripture that has really helped me. You don’t have to be religious to embrace the wisdom in it. The scripture basically says, “Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” Romans 12:21

What I love about the wisdom in this scripture is that it validated my fear in dealing with my difficult person. I was afraid that dealing with this person was turning me into a person I did not want to be- resentful, bitter, hateful, a gossiper, etc. I would badmouth, judge and criticize. I was afraid and I needed to be afraid because if I continued to deal with my difficult person like I was, I would become someone I did not want to become and this is exactly what the scripture was saying about being overcome by evil.

The second thing I loved about this scripture is that it gave me my answer. It gave me my solution of how to deal with my difficult person. Overcome the negative, the “evil” with good, the positive. And you can do this, like I did, by starting small and starting with the fundamentals. I am not talking about going out of your way to do nice things for that person, buying gifts or giving compliments. That’s great if you can do that, but for the really difficult people, I recommend starting very small. I am talking about fundamental acts of goodness, like simply stop thinking about your difficult person and stop talking about your difficult person. Those are baby steps of overcoming the bad with good.



Another way to overcome the bad with good is to fix your mind on the good in your life, the things you enjoy, the things you can be grateful for. Compliment those you appreciate. Express gratitude to the people who show up for you. Be happy. Be filled with joy and peace and don’t pay any mind to that difficult person. Let their impact roll off of you, like water off a duck’s back. That is how you overcome evil with good. And that good will grow into larger acts of goodness, that may even include you doing good things for that difficult person, but let’s just start with the basics.

I hope this message encourages you today. If you have a difficult person in your life, at work or at home, it’s totally okay. It’s actually quite normal. It’s normal because we all need the sand paper. Next week I’ll share more about that, but for now, don’t waste your energy on how difficult that person is. Shift any effort you are putting in making that person wrong, “How could they!” into seeking to understand, “I wonder what it is like in his/her shoes that would cause him/her to behave that way.” Do good. Fix your attention on what you can be grateful for and what is going right in your life, and you will prevent any negativity from getting inside of you.

Remember, you are not alone. Everyone has at least one difficult person in his or her life and that difficult person can be your sandpaper to polish up your character and help you shine brighter than ever before!

Have a great week!

With Love and Volition,



Corry